He’s Controversial

The cost of refusing to make yourself smaller and the unexpected wealth that comes from standing for something.

A friend recently told me that when my name was brought up in a conversation with peers, one of the reactions in the room was, “He’s controversial.”

I can’t get it out of my head, so I’m writing about it.

There are a few things to unpack here.

First, if I were to self-describe myself, that’s not a word I would use, but it comes as no surprise to me, as my simple existence has been controversial. From the moment I stood up to my teacher in elementary school or the 300-pound custodian who put his hands on my 6-year-old sister who I went after (I was 11 at the time), I’ve been unafraid to stand up to bullies and speak truth to power.

I have NEVER changed.

Does that make me controversial?

Well, that’s the first lesson in this. Everything in life comes at cost. There is always a price of admission, and one of the costs of being who I’ve always been is that people will seek to label you and define you in negative ways.

You make people uncomfortable; you challenge the status quo.

The truth is, I never really had a choice. My existence is controversial. My intelligence, my confidence, and my gifts have made people uncomfortable my whole life. Growing up in Utah, I was reminded of that daily. In the classroom, on the street with complete strangers, and it only got worse as I grew into adolescence and adulthood.

So again, I never really had a choice.

The only real decision was whether to be self-serving or use my gifts and my pain to help others. I’m very proud to say I’ve always done that. Whether it was marching on the Capitol to make MLK Day a holiday in the 90s, organizing and creating youth groups, sharing my experience with press outlets, speaking to and inspiring other youth all before I could legally vote, I was willing to do it.

The responsibility was and is always bigger than me.

30 years later, it’s never left me. It’s why I’ve mentored, coached, and led with courage and used my platform and influence to make the world I touch better.

Does that make me controversial?

I’ve been sitting with that word and why it bothers me so much.

First, I’m not afraid of it, AT ALL. Either you stand for something or you fall for everything. That’s what I was taught. I’m not going to diminish myself to make others comfortable. I’m not going to NOT advocate for the voiceless because it might change some people’s perception of me.

I think why it bothers me is that it’s the same old tropes and dog-whistle language I’ve heard all my life. The language that implies that I’m a troublemaker, a reminder that people don’t like intelligent, confident black men who challenge them.

They want the nice guy, who makes them laugh and entertains them. Makes them feel safe and unthreatened.

Where the real work gets done is not under the cover of safety and comfort; it’s in the trenches, in the mud. It’s impossible to get the work done in the trenches and not get dirty.

Getting dirty means some people will not like you; they will label you and impact your business or life. I’ve accepted that it’s all I’ve ever known. Again, for me it’s coming whether I want it or not, so why not make an impact?

That’s not the full story

Don’t cry for me Argentina.

There’s something I know that people who have lived lives trying to avoid any controversy will never know.

I’ve become wealthy because of my work. My actions over the years have made me wealthy beyond measure.

Some years back, I told myself I needed to build wealth by the time I was 50. I wanted freedom and a great quality of life.

I made one mistake when I set that objective.

I used the wrong KPI of success.

At the time, I was thinking in terms of millions of revenue. How much money in my bank account was the KPI to the freedom and quality of life I wanted.

What I didn’t think about at the time was that it was actually my investments in relationships and being unafraid that would ultimately give me the wealth I seek.

Today I have freedom, great quality of life, and wealth in the depth of relationships and connection with people, in large part due to my “controversial” work. It’s brought respect, credibility, and connection beyond the superficial and transactional relationships that exist in business and life.

Not by design, that’s also created tremendous financial opportunities. The opportunities that present themselves to me, collaborations with brands, consulting opportunities come to me FOR ME. Not some manufactured, whitewashed version of who I am. They believe in me and can get behind what I stand for.

Those are the types of relationships you want in life and business.

Think about that.

How often are you playing it safe? Are your relationships superficial and transactional? Do the people around you respect you for who you are, or some homogenized, watered-down version of yourself?

If you’re comfortable with that, cool, I’m not one to judge, this path isn’t for everyone.

Good Trouble

Well, it’s time to make some more people uncomfortable. The last time I got into some serious industry “good trouble” was for a video post I made a few years ago in regard to women’s safety in Technology Channel sales. That’s one of the hills I’m ready to die on, and if you think I’m controversial for my stance on this topic, so be it. I’m not your guy, and I’m ok with that. So here’s what’s next. No Questions Asked. I don’t care if you don’t like it or don’t support it. I care that women in technology sales can easily identify who has their back in compromising situations. I ALSO care that the wearer understands and accepts the responsibility of advocacy and has a reminder to be courageous.

“Get in good trouble, necessary trouble, and help redeem the soul of America"

John Lewis